When a couple is in the middle of a divorce, one spouse will often ask advice about whether it is okay to start dating before the divorce is final. Dating during the divorce process is strongly discouraged. It often triggers strong emotions, creates a new dynamic in the divorce setting and can turn what could have been an amicable settlement into contentious process.
4 Reasons Not to Date During Your Divorce
- Collaborative Divorce requires transparency. When couples are trying to amicably settle their divorce, especially using the collaborative process, transparency is paramount to an effective settlement. When one party starts dating, they typically want and need privacy around that relationship, or recognize that their ex-spouse will not react well to this news. Trying to keep a dating relationship a secret during your divorce can create a wedge in the settlement discussion and can feel like a violation of the agreement to be transparent with each other. Keeping a secret while supposedly being upfront and straightforward with each other can disrupt the collaborative divorce process. Collaborative divorce professionals are trained to address these challenges, but it can cause delay and added expense to the divorce.
- Introducing a new partner to the children must be done carefully and thoughtfully. Parents will need to discuss how and when they will introduce the children to the new partner. This is best done when there is an agreement between the parents and there is a plan to support the children in learning this information. Do not introduce your children to a new partner until you are able to discuss the introduction with your soon-to-be ex-spouse.
- Divorce requires you to make important decisions about your future. Don’t cloud your head with a third-party’s needs. Divorce requires you to separate from your spouse and make long-term financial decisions as an individual. You may be considering moving to a new location or changing employment. You need to have a clear head when making these important, life-changing decisions. It can be hard to identify your long-term needs and goals when your focus is on a new relationship.
- There is no such thing as secrecy when dating. The spouse who is dating may think he or she can keep it a secret, but their friends may not be quite as committed to that. One post on social media about the date and the whole world knows. In Vermont we live in small communities and word spreads fast. You can protect your children and your divorce process by delaying entering the dating scene.
It is hard to plan for when you meet someone special but be mindful of the many impacts dating during a divorce may have on you your soon-to-be ex-spouse and your children.
Contact a Vermont Collaborative Divorce Attorney
The members of Collaborative Divorce Vermont help clients through the divorce process. We can help you understand what to consider when contemplating dating during the divorce and of how dating can disrupt settlement negotiations no matter what divorce process is being used.
For more information and guidance, contact Corey Wood, for a confidential consultation.